Chris Rachael Oseland on the cover of Velocity Magazine

Ladies and gentlemen, I am humbled and honored to be the cover girl for this week’s Velocity Magazine. Check the interior and you’ll find a four page spread on me and my oh so delightfully festive events here in Louisville.

Stop by the Go Go Guerrilla and Louisville Speed Dating pages on both Meetup.com and Facebook for more details on upcoming events. While you’re at it, stop by your local newsstand for a copy of this week’s Velocity. I’ll even sign the cover for you!

It’s time for our second annual Dread Pirate Roberts Franchisee Reunion!

If you’ve been Mostly Dead all summer this is your chance to experiece the wuv, tru wuv of The Princess Bride.

JOIN THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS FRANCHISE! 
For a minimal fee you’ll get dread headscarf, face mask, business card and certificate as THE offical dread pirate roberts.

BUY A FARMBOY 
That’s right, ladies! We’ll be auctioning off dates with farmboys who understand the meaning of As You Wish.

REENACT THE MOVIE 
Dress up in costume, because once the movie starts, everyone is welcome to act is out Rocky Horror style.

WAIT, YOU WANT MORE? 
We’ll have plenty of vendor booths where you can buy anything from Rodents of Unusual Size to swords to potions and much more. Win prizes for the best costumes! Challenge Vizzini to see which cup holds the poison. See jugglers from the circus next door. Duel with padded swords in the courtyard.

This is a unique Louisville event that can’t be missed!

Tickets are $12 
Available from Meetup or from The Alley Theater

Where is this in Louisville?

Last week’s contest was won in only two hours. Let’s see if we can break that record this week! Where in Louisville will you find this particular bronze pony?

Art Sanctuary at The Alley Theater

Hands of Hope

Heaven Scent

Izzy’s Little Creepers

Louisville.com

What does this mean for you?

Well, the good people at Hands of Hope are giving out amazing scents for both men and women as well as massage oils. Izzy’s Little Creepers is making us custom macabre dolls as prizes, while Hands of Hope is going to the opposite extreme with the cuddliest little cthulu’s and zombies you’ve ever seen. You’ll also have plenty of opportunities to win tickets to productions at The Alley Theater as well - in fact, we have TEN tickets to Fight Girl Battle World we’ll be giving away to very special Survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Many thanks to all our amazing new sponsors!

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Come with cash. Leave with a costume. It’s that simple.

The Derby City Steampunk League is teaming up with the Go Go Guerrilla Army for a day of grown up arts, crafts & chaos. They call it a “maker’s day.” We call it sticky funtimes.

We’ll provide assorted colors of duct tape, crafting supplies, examples of completed corsetry, and plenty of help. You provide a little cash to cover supplies, your own body, and an eagerness for a truly unique costume piece quite literally custom molded to your own body!

I promise there’ll be excuses to wear it later in the year.

The men can make dashing period vests (any period - from Victorian grandeur to a sci fi future) while the women have the option of vests or corsets. We have basic black plastic body liners, but you’re welcome to bring a tightish disposable t-shirt (it’ll be cut up the middle) if you’d like a cuddlier interior.

Meet new people. Make new things. It’s easier than you think!

As always, we’ll announce the location 24 hours in advance. Sign up now so we’ll know how much duct tape to buy. Feel free to chime in with favorite colors as well!

$15 covers the cost of supplies and our patient expertise at crafting. Sign up at meetup.com/gogogirls to learn the secret location!

Go Go Guerrilla Army, we have an extra special mission on April 10. Believe it or not, most people who move to Louisville are PITIED by their out of state friends and family. The sniffling loved ones envision new Louisvillians driving down a dirt track so they can stand barefoot in a tobacco field while petting a pony.

This won’t do.

I know my Go Go Guerrilla Army. You’re brave. You’re daring. You enlisted to boldly go where timid Louisvillians have never gone before. Therefore, who better to team up with the folks at New To Lou for a night of Lights! Camera! Action! Prizes! Alcohol!

We’re taking over the East Market District on Saturday, April 10. Why? Because we’re going to shoot you.

Calm down, gorgeous. Our weapon is a camera. Admit it - you haven’t had a good photo taken since high school. Instead of wearing a prom dress and nervously posing against the photographer’s favorite tree, show up in whatever you think looks best and magestically pose before some of Louisville’s amazing iconic and visually stunning places such as Flame Run and Bodega. No tobacco farms or ponies here!

Once an hour, on the hour, we’ll take over a new location for photos and prize drawings. You’ll meet new people in strange and interesting places - or interesting people in strange and new places. Either way, everybody wins.

In addition to our awesome photographer, we’ll have a hairstylist and makeup artist on site to help you look your best.

The photos will go up on a Flickr stream where you can download them for free. These are a great way for singles to update their online dating profiles and couples to take a great photo for the parents in front of something other than a boring old Sear’s Portrait Studio background. Most of all, it gives those of you who are New To Lou plenty of ammunition when people out of state ask if you have electricity. How else would Louisville power the near record number of glass studios of any city in the nation?

We’re starting at Flame Run, hitting 2 more locations on East Market, then taking the party to The Green Building at 5 pm, which has invited us in for a private show including a tour of their art gallery, live music, drink specials, and more prize drawings.

Oh, yes. I said prizes. This is a swagtastic night of free goodness showing off some of the best of Louisville. We have over $500 worth of prizes to give away, including hand made glass art from Flame Run, gift baskets from Bodega, a dinner at The White Oak, and much more.

We’ll also have menus on hand for East Market’s fabulous restaurants, some of which are offering discounts to anyone who shows up for dinner sporting one of our hand stamps.

Come on out, everybody! Go Go Guerrillas, you get first shot at influencing the minds and hearts of the city’s newest residents. We can’t let them think Fourth Street Live is the closest thing we have to civilization! New To Lou, you get to meet some of the city’s most eclectic and outgoing citizens. They’ll give you the inside scoop on where to go and what to do in the ‘ville. Everybody wins!

All this for only $10 if you register online or $15 on site.

Every Wednesday, we post a new photo from a random site in Louisville. The first person to correctly guess where it is can pick up a prize at their next Palmyran Rebels event. You can guess in the comments here or on our Facebook site.

I’ll give you a hint about this week’s photo. The wedding cake is made out of tampons and the fabregee eggs are coated in birth control pills.

Have you ever wanted to be in a music video? Do you love zombies? Well our good friends at Louisville Sub Rosa want to put the zombie peanut butter in your music video chocolate by inviting you to join the cast of extras for their next Zombie Round Up. The Zombification Process and filming will take place May 22, with the video being released on June 26 at Louisville Sub Rosa’s own zombie party!

If you can’t get enough of the undead, Louisville is the town for you. Upcoming zombie events include:

March  25 - Future Survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse 12 Step Meeting

May 22 - Sub Rosa Zombies vs Cowgirls Video Shoot

June 26 - Louisville Sub Rosa celebrates Zombies at Diamond’s Pub and Grill!

August 29 - Louisville Zombie Attack

October 16 - Zombie 1K Shamble…for Braaaaains

I’ll provide more details on all of the above as I get them!

How will YOU survive the Zombie Apocalypse?

You better use your BRAINS now if you don’t want your head cracked open on a giant red penguin at 21c so Louisville’s undead hordes can slurp out your precious grey matter.

The Go Go Guerrilla Army is offering a very special 12 step program for Future Survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse.

• Learn vital zombie trivia
• Get tips on blending with the pack if you’re among the last unturned humans
• Share survival plans and army ration recipes
• Bring photos of your loved ones to practice shooting with nerf darts so you won’t flinch at blowing their mindless corpses away after they’re turned.

Before the nerf target practice, we’ll provide some Effen Vodka drinks to help you get over the gut reaction against shooting your loved ones. It’s for your own protection. One very special survivor will win a copy of The Zombie Survival Guide. The rest of you will just have to take notes… or take down the winner in a preemptive strike.

Bring the friends who’ll be most useful to your survival. Bring photos of your loved ones. Bring nerf guns if you own them.

Since we don’t want the zombies breaking into our 12 Step Meeting, the final location will be revealed 24 hours before we meet.

Stay safe. Stay sane. Stay human.